Why Adopting a Girl from China isn't like the Doctrine of Election

A few months ago I received an email that purported to explain why adopting an older girl from China is like, or illustrates, the doctrine of election.The person who wrote it has not adopted, which really isn't all that important except that perhaps they are not completely familiar with the world of adoption, which types of adoption are really popular, etc.

[Let me quickly say that I am not opening a debate about unconditional election. In fact, it is secondary to a different point I hope to make.]

The gist of the writer's email is that little girls in Chinese orphanages are in a bad place and they need to be removed from that place. Their parents choose to adopt from China and are rather arbitrarily assigned a child. The idea is that these good parents have chosen to extricate a child from a world that otherwise leads to their destruction. Some of the other girls in the orphanage won't be chosen and will face a life apart from parents. On the face of it, that sounds an awful lot like election, doesn't it? God, in a move that often seems arbitrary to us mere mortals, selects those whom He would save, those whom He would extricate from a world of sin that will ultimately lead to their destruction. Those not so chosen are headed for their rightful destruction as sinners apart from grace.

Why do I disagree with this illustration?

Let me explain a tiny bit about the world of adoption, centered in the USA. Hands down, the most popular type of adoption is a healthy, white, female infant birthed from a non-drug user in America. Following closely behind is the same child in a male body. However, due to many factors those babies are not as easy to find as they once were. Enter the international adoption.

As of last year, the most popular country from which to adopt a child was China, closely followed by Ethiopia which has overtaken Russia as of late. Although the supply of healthy Chinese females has dropped dramatically in the last few years, those females are still very popular and much sought-after among international adopters.

What does this have to do with election? The adoption of a Chinese girl is very popular because they are seen as very desirable, very cute, smart, etc. They just need a home and many families are eager to provide that home, thankfully so.

So if the doctrine of election is like adopting a Chinese girl, we are saying that God is choosing some pretty desirable people for His eternal kingdom. That's where I have the problem.

Romans 12:3--For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.

We are sinners. Filthy, waste-encrusted, wretched, hateful, mean, lovers of self, blind, deaf, bitter and hard-hearted beyond measure. If you could find such a child on earth and adopt that child, you might get the merest glimpse of the miracle of our adoption by God. And yet God chooses us to be His beloved children, washing us with hyssop so that we are whiter than snow, changing our heart of stone to a heart of flesh, opening our eyes and ears to His truths.

How quickly we forget just how awful, how depraved, how indifferent to others, how sinful we were before Christ came into our hearts. We think we need to be saved from a bad situation when what we need most is to be saved from ourselves and from God's justifed wrath.

How deep the Father's love for us!

How vast beyond all measure!

That He should give His only Son,

To make a wretch His treasure!

We are worse than we ever seem to believe; we are more loved by God than we could ever imagine.

Thanks be to God!

One way to win a Canon EOS Rebel!!

As I was perusing my friend Suzette's blog today, something caught my eye! A blog post, by one of her friends, that looked to be giving away a Canon EOS Rebel!! WooHoo!! A gorgeous family of 10, trying to be an even more gorgeous family of 11, is giving away the camera to help raise funds to bring their daughter home from China. Here's the info from their blog:

One week till we draw the winner of this bad boy! Suh-weet! Just click on the Chip-In button on the sidebar. Our goal is to raise enough to send our dossier to Ch*na once we get C*S approval, so every dollar helps us bring Kasidi Joy home! Thanks to those who have already chipped in, linked and blogged!
$25 = 1 opportunity
$50 = 3 opportunities, etc...
Blog post, blog link, FB link, FB post = additional opportunity!
Leave me a comment or email me to let me know you've linked or posted.

I am now shamelessly working for my additional opportunities, having already linked to their fundraiser on facebook! Let me tell you, though, that I believe in what they're doing and can testify that the more times you adopt, the harder it can be to raise the funds, if for no other reason than you're crazy busy and trying to feed all those mouths.

So, help a cute little girl get home and possibly win a camera next week. Not bad!

How Mary Beth Chapman saved 3 lives--and I found Reece's Rainbow

It was the summer of 2006. I had six children: Alex, Luke, Song, Vera, Anna and Emma. Life was flowing along. It was easy. Almost too easy.

[cue the scary music]

An email appeared in my inbox from a fellow international, special-needs adoptive mom. Fearlessly, not suspecting it would rock my world, I opened it to find...

James, a boy with Down syndrome in China. No, no, no. Make that James, THE boy with Down syndrome in China. James lived in the Hope Foster Home. James had been visited by the Steven Curtis Chapman family and Mary Beth had evidently fallen in love. She had urged the Chinese Center for Adoption Affairs (CCAA) to place James on their list so that he could have the opportunity to be adopted.

At that time, the CCAA would receive files of children from their orphanages and would give the files of the special needs kids to chosen adoption agencies in the US. The adoption agencies would then have three months to find families for the special needs children on their list. Occasionally the agency would get an extra three months to find a family if they had had enquiries that hadn't resulted in a match. More often, the file would be given back and that child's chance to find an adoptive family would be gone.

So, James, THE boy with Down syndrome in China, had his file sent to a Christian adoption agency. I don't know what, if anything, they did to find James a family. All I know is that with just a few days until his file was due to be returned to CCAA, James had not had any enquiries. Not one. My understanding is that Mary Beth Chapman found out and decided to make a big push to find James an adoptive home. Because of that push, I received the fateful email in my inbox.

The email stated that James was the test case for China. If he didn't find an adoptive family then China was not going to place any further children with Down syndrome on the lists they gave to adoption agencies.

John and I had the exact same response to that email and the possibility of all those darling Chinese children wtih Ds losing out on homes:  NOT ON OUR WATCH!

I called the agency that day, only to find out that they were having a long weekend off. I spent some time discussing it with my Shepherd's Crook email group, just to have something to do while I waited. 

The next week, I received a call from the agency and found out they had received calls and email from over 300 families regarding James!! John and I weren't the only ones watching!!

Eventually, we decided not to pursue the adoption. The agency had a policy of taking applications and then deciding which family would be the best fit for the child. We didn't feel like competing for him and we felt very confident that a Christian family would be chosen, which was, in fact, the case. One child saved because of Mary Beth Chapman.

Nonetheless, I confessed to my Shepherd's Crook group that I was a bit disappointed. I thought it would be fun to have a little one around again, and James was just so stinkin' cute. Also, I had clicked on the link from James' original email and found myself on the most amazing and surprising website called Reece's Rainbow. Song and I had spent some time looking at a single web page with about 10 or so cute little ones with Down syndrome that were featured on the site. One little girl we had thought particularly cute was a darling little girl named Maria in Colombia.

The very day after seeing Maria's picture on Reece's Rainbow, I received another email in my inbox.

[cue the happy music]

It went something like this: Jill, I know you were disappointed about James, and I didn't know for sure if you and John were still interested in adopting right now, but I got some new information about a little girl named Maria in Colombia. She was just given a very large grant yesterday. I was praying about her and your name kept coming to mind while I prayed. No pressure, but I wanted to bring this to you guys before I send an email to the whole group.

In no time, we committed to adopting Maria in Colombia. In just four more months we were in Colombia adopting her! I have to believe that if I hadn't been complaining about not getting to adopt James, my friend wouldn't have contacted me about Maria. Two children saved as a result of Mary Beth Chapman's efforts, and in even greater part as a result of my friend's prayers.

So what about the third child? I just couldn't get the idea of adopting a little boy from China out of my mind. Through a different Shepherd's Crook friend, I got connected to an adoption agency that would let you see and read all about the children on their special needs list from CCAA. For a few months, I followed the lists and one day, a little boy they were referring to as Spencer Nash was on the list. His information said that he was in foster care through...wait for it...Hope Foster Home, which is where James had lived!

Boys from China are, like those from other countries, less popular in the adoption world. The girls tend to get chosen quickly but the boys often wait and that was what happened to Spencer Nash. Nonetheless, somewhere along the way little Spencer Nash started to look like my son. Sometime later, he started to look like John's son, too, and before we knew it were committed to adopting a little boy from China. Three children saved because Mary Beth Chapman advocated for one.

Really, it didn't even stop there, as the family who adopted James went back to China and adopted a daughter with Down syndrome. I also have found out that a dear friend of mine made a friend of hers look at my blog after we adopted Ella...and that friend went to Reece's Rainbow and found two daughters, now in her home, dearly loved and thriving.

So, Mary Beth Chapman, an overdue but heartfelt thanks to you for looking past the labels and seeing the precious child in front of you, then lending your voice to his cause and following through.

Matthew 5:16~~In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.

Praise the Lord!!

Memorial Box Monday--Song's adoption

In the last Memorial Box Monday I wrote about some of the many ways God showed up in Alex’s adoption. I also referred to the fact that Alex’s and Song’s adoptions are enmeshed; we wouldn’t have one without the other. Today I wanted to share the way that God showed up for Song’s adoption, which also just happens to be enmeshed with Anna’s entrance into our family.

It’s a good story made even better by virtue of being true.

As I mentioned, the months after Alex’s adoption were very hard. He just didn’t know how to behave, although he was a pretty good mimic. Lots of difficulties with church and mother’s day out. Lots of not being able to leave him along without some disaster happening. Lots of rocking himself to sleep, rocking himself back to sleep, moaning/singing something that sounded oddly like a Native American song of mourning. Keening, really.

By this time God and I had grown pretty close, what with me searching the Bible for help, praying for deliverance and trying to reconcile myself to life as the mother of two sons. I had thought I would be the mother of a boy from me and a girl from China and although I knew we made the right choice I was still missing my daughter. I already had clothes hanging in a closet for her, but couldn’t see how we would be able to do that, financially or otherwise with a very emotionally fragile new son.

One day as I was reading through the Psalms, the following verse was part of my reading:

Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.

I don’t know if I had read that verse before or not; I do know I never understood it until that day. If I delight in the Lord then He will be putting the desires into my heart and He will surely give them to me. He had good plans for me; He wasn’t going to be working around my plans to accomplish His own.

I found the idea stunning. I stopped at that very moment, praying with all earnestness, “Lord, you know I have delighted in You; You know You are my only strength through this trial and I love You! Imperfectly, but with all my heart, I love You. Lord, what is the desire of my heart?”

Then I waited to hear from Him. It only took a second.

A daughter from China.

Can I tell you how much this answer disappointed me? Not the answer itself, of course, but because I thought I was so weak in my faith that I couldn’t hear from God. So, I asked again.

A daughter from China.

Still disappointed, I nonetheless kept that answer in the back of mind all the while waiting for something more profound, I guess. I still delighted in the Lord. I still read my Bible. I still worked on my relationship with Alex.

Within a few days of asking God what the desire of my heart was, I received a call from the Gladney Adoption agency: Jill, we have a referral for a daughter for you and John . She’s 11 months old and her name is Li Song Yue. Do you want us to fedex it to you so you can talk about it?

Right this moment, typing out those words I still cry, the same tears of joy I cried on that March day in 1999. God spoke to me. God spoke to ME. He told me what the desire of my heart was and HE GAVE IT TO ME! He put a Song of joy in my heart!

The next day we received the package but John wasn’t 100% sure that this was God’s plan. He hadn’t had the conversation with God that I’d had, so I can’t blame him. Nonetheless, a week later his Bible reading for the day took him here:

Isaiah 1:17 learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow.

I looked at him and deadpanned, “I guess I’ll be calling the agency today, then?”

As I said at the start, however, we didn’t think we could handle another adoption so quickly after the first one. You know, don’t you, that God had that handled. In fact, He had already handed us the financial piece of the puzzle.

About two weeks before I read the passage in Psalm 37, John called to say he was getting a bonus; a much bigger bonus than we had ever received before. Well, we weren’t adopting and so the ‘natural’ Jill would normally have a list of things for that bonus. Unnaturally, I knew, the moment he told me about it I knew, that this money was from God and He had a plan for it. I didn’t know what it was, but I knew the money wasn’t really ours. (It never really is, but thankfully God gave me a stronger sense of that than I normally have!)

Now, the amount was way more than what was necessary to complete an adoption from China. Turns out, we were going to need a new vehicle, too. The Mazda 4 door I had just wouldn’t handle all four kids.

Wait, didn’t Song make three kids?

Two weeks after saying ‘yes’ to Song we found out we were expecting. God opened my womb when we opened our heart to another child, one of His precious orphans. Isn’t He just the most wondrous God? Isn’t He just the overflowing, overwhelming, full of mercy and grace and blessings God?

He also had our backs when it came time to leave Alex for the adoption trip. It took 4 months from getting Song’s referral to travel. John didn’t have to go so he stayed with the boys. At the time (and only at that time) a parent could go alone but with certain paperwork signed by John ahead of time. John’s mom went with me on the trip and we brought home the most beautiful little China doll ever! A crowd of 30+ people met us at the gate; the folks on the airplane caught on to what was happening and let Song and I exit the plane first.

Next time, I will explain a little more about the vehicle God gave us. Doesn’t sound as exciting as an adoption, does it? Oh, but wait!!! God was involved. It’s a good story, too.

Memorial Box Monday on Wednesday

Well, I'm getting closer to Monday, sort of zeroing in on it. My story of God's amazing power in the life of our family left off last week with God giving us the money we needed to complete Song's adoption. That story, however, does not stand alone; it is inextricably linked to Alex's story of adoption. We began Song's adoption not knowing anything about Song, just knowing we were sending in a dossier and if we waited about a year we would received a referral for a little girl about a year old. It took about six months to complete our adoption dosser for China and we sent it to the Chinese Center for Adoption Affairs in April of 1998 (the month and year Song was born, interestingly enough!). In May of 1998, we received our first newsletter from Gladney, our agency. Inside the newsletter was a page with pictures of waiting children, including the picture of little Dima who was about to turn 3 and had big blue eyes, was happy and healthy and needed a family. His picture took my breath away! I just knew I was looking at my son. John wasn't as sure, but being John he agreed to pray and soon he began to feel a real paternal love for this boy in Russia. So I contacted Gladney and then the real fun began! NOT! Apparently I should never have been given Dima's information since we were already in process in China. The vice president of international adoptions gave us an ultimatum: choose the girl-to-be-referred in China or the boy whose picture you've been carrying around for the last two weeks from Russia. A difficult choice, but really not a hard choice. Our China program coordinator was kind enough to say that she would ask China to put our dossier on hold with the hope that if we adopted Dima/Alex quickly we could turn right around and perhaps not have to redo all our documents. I remember thinking that was so sweet of her but I couldn't imagine that we could afford back to back adoptions, particularly since Alex's adoption was going to be at least $10,000 more than Song's adoption. How quickly we forget God's providence! Months after God's miraculous provision of $16,000 for a Chinese adoption I seem to have already developed doubts. Perhaps I thought He would only give us money once. Perhaps I just didn't think at all! God, fortunately, is forgiving when we forget AND He cares for His children, particularly His orphaned children. Once again, within no time at all He had provided another bonus check to John, this time for $10,000, just what we needed for Alex's more expensive adoption. How amazing is that? Even more amazing, I think, is that He knew Alex would be a very challenging child, and He knew we would need all the confirmation we could get that Alex was to be OUR child. Next week (maybe Monday but more like Tuesdayish) I can't wait to share the rest of the story. It's a good one! For the Memorial Box, I believe I will use the newsletter with Alex's picture in it. Eleven families had looked at Alex's referral information before us and they had all decided not to adopt him. I can only guess that God put scales on their eyes because that is one cute kid!

My First Memorial Box Monday

As explained at A Place Called Simplicity, Memorial Box Monday is a way for us to remember the times God has so clearly shown up in our life. In a way that sounds weird because God is always there, always loving, always helping, ready to guide us. We just don't always pay attention. Perhaps that's why He is gracious enough to show up in a BIG WAY sometimes. We remember what we already knew, that He is always here, always loving, always helping, ready to guide us.

I don't yet have a memorial box. Some people have some darling boxes that are more like curio cabinets on the wall. I don't know what I might use, assuming I don't win one from A Place Called Simplicity--surely my winning streak has run its course! The idea, however, is to find an object, picture, toy, etc. to represent the time that God showed up.

The only real difficulty I have at this point is knowing where to begin. I am the type to look for God. I expect Him to show up. I expect it won't be in my timing, but His.

In October of 1997, Luke was two years old and an only child. We were starting to feel parenthood pangs anew, having now moved into what is called secondary infertility, or the inability to conceive following a successful pregnancy. We prayerfully decided to look into international adoption.

Our first goal was to find an agency. At the time, every agency known to man did NOT have a website, but we requested information from some who did. We ended up deciding to use Gladney, which is in Fort Worth and had/has a 100+ year stellar reputation.

That goal met, we then started looking at their various adoption programs. (It's hard to believe that at this time I didn't know there were such things as photolistings!) We were talking about Russia and some other Eastern European countries when I said, "It's too bad we don't want to adopt from China. It's much less expensive and we'd be assured of getting a daughter."

John gave me a quizzical look and asked, "Why don't we want to adopt from China?"

Well, that was all the answer I needed! I had, for whatever reason, assumed John was stretched enough with an international adoption and a transracial adoption was too far a stretch. I was happily wrong about that assumption!

We contacted Gladney about their China program and found that we could expect our adoption costs would be around $16-17,000 dollars. We were a bit overwhelmed with the idea of coming up with that much money. Nonetheless, we prayed and felt convinced that this is what God would have us do and where God would have us go. We had some money put away and John felt like we could save enough during the year and a half it might take for the adoption. Honestly, though, it seemed like a daunting task.

About two weeks after calling Gladney, John brought a copy of a check home from work. The check was made out to his law firm so the $64,000 written on it wasn't of huge interest to me. He then asked, "Guess what my part of this check is? 25%!"

$64,000 X 25% = $16,000 We rejoiced! We saw it for what it was; a sweet gift from our Heavenly Father who knew we weren't expecting it.

We stepped out in faith. God showed up. In this instance, He showed up fast! I must admit, it was probably because our faith was still so new and so small. We weren't used to God showing up yet. As our lives and our faith has progressed, however, I can see that this was one of God's methods of growing our faith so we would know we could take a bigger step of faith in the future.

It worked. Next Monday (yes, I know today is Thursday) I'll happily share just how quickly we were asked to step back out again.

I'm not quite sure what to put in my box as a reminder. I don't have that copy of the check and I'm not expecting to see one like that again! Perhaps I can get my hands on a copy of a Gladney brochure. I would happily take any and all suggestions.

The funny thing is that in some of our subsequent adoptions God didn't show up like that, yet each time our faith grew as we knew to look for Him in other ways. He's a very creative God as He works His plans for our life for our good and His Glory!

Thank You, sweet Heavenly Father!

The Guangzhou Safari Park Zoo

The zoo was a fun day for me, as I love zoos!! I have visited zoos in Moscow and Cali on adoption trips, so why not China? No other zoos, however, have quite the flare (I mean flair) for translation as this zoo in Guangzhou. Here are a few highlights:

Does the emu like objects that are pecking and flaring, or does the emu like to peck at flaring objects? They just don't say.

Really, who is Nurse Young?
You can just tell by looking at them that they are getting ready to run tortuously while pecking at flaring objects, can't you?

I think the one on the sign is cuter, but that's just me.

Flapping glass is a huge problem in China.

When John saw these hippos, he immediately joked to the group (which included 3 other families in Guangzhou) on our little train ride that the hippoes looked like me after climbing the Great Wall. Unbeknownst to John, however, everyone but him was watching the two hippos who were mating. He got some seriously surprised looks with that quip.

Dean, below, is in front of a chimpanzee nursery. You can sort of see the chimp behind him.

Post-climbing feast

This is, unfortunately, the only picture of our incredible meals, but I love it because it shows the potato dish we had. The mound in front of us is composed of fried potatoes the same diameter as spaghetti--thin spaghetti! They were so good, but not especially Chinese. Not so the Tsingtao beer, however. Authentic and especially good after our climb!! We slept well that night...

The Great Wall

I finally remembered to finish my posts from our trip to China. In January. We went to the Wall prior to getting Dean.

Our first good view of the wall, while traveling up the ski lift. The alpine slide we would eventually take down from the Wall. Way fun!! I only got asked to slow down once.
The ski lift.

How beautiful is that?

If you look closely you can see the nearby village in the valley where many of the people working on the Wall live. They walk over to the Wall daily to sell candies and sodas to tourists like us. I think I met the nicest of the village residents, however, and it was all due to my laziness. Actually we had walked straight up (seemed to me) for miles and miles and I couldn't take it anymore so I finally collapsed in a heap at the feet of this kind stranger. John kept walking up the Wall and tried to pretend like he didn't know me.

This kind man of 56 put me on my feet again and then proceded to talk our ears off (mine, as well as our guide's). He and his wife came over daily to work. He pointed down the hill I had just climbed and pointed out his wife's station. He told us that he had her work there so she wouldn't have to make the hard climb every day. He didn't say this, but I also suspect that she stayed much warmer in the sun than he did in the shade.

Here he is pulling up my jeans! As I mentioned, John had climbed on without us and got to the top of the watchtower where he snapped this picture. The Chinese man had already struck up a conversation with us and then, with no warning whatsoever, reached over and pulled my jeans up to see if I had layered properly!! In fact, I was over layered and hot from the climb and so he was suitably impressed. Only in China do they have the layering police!! Normally they only patrol newly adopted children, but I guess my pathetic countenance put me on the grid.

John was able to snap some beautiful pictures from his quite lofty perch. He went as far as he could in the direction we had decided to go. After that, the wall has not been renovated and is in ruins.

The pictures are out of order, but this is the section that I climbed. Am I wrong, isn't that straight up???

That is a crumbling watchtower on the crest of the nearest hill.

John and I at the entrance to the Wall from the ski lift. John, our amazing guide Angela, and I are still ready and eager to get climbing.

If I ever were to go to China again I would want Angela as my guide. She was the best!!

Mountain man!

I wonder how old these steps are?

So there you have it. A lazy girl's guide to making memories on the Great Wall of China.

Here and here are posts from our last China Culture camp adventure. Rather prophetic words in the first of those posts! Boy oh boy have my girls grown and matured!!! One thing hasn't changed, though...Anna still claims China as her own and I still cry every time I'm in a room full of proud parents and their adopted children.

Chinese Culture Camp

We now have our second Chinese Culture Camp under our belts and it was so fun!!

Every summer Dillon International Adoptions puts on culture camps for children from all over, including India, Korea, and China. The China camp lasts for 3 days--Thurs, Fri, Sat.

This year I took Song and Dean, naturally, and also Anna. The girls made so many friends and learned a lot. I was able to see some friends from the DFW area, which is always nice. I also enjoyed working with the same lady I've worked with two years ago when we went to camp. This year we had 27 5 year olds and 1 4 year old--Dean! He was not happy in his 4 year old class, probably due to being sick (he had Hand, Foot, and Mouth virus!) on top of not being entirely sure of the situation without mommy. No problem: he fit beautifully with the 5 year olds and was taller than most of them, too!

That would also explain why the vast majority of pictures I took were of Dean rather than the girls. Actually, I took some of the girls during the closing ceremony but had my camera on the wrong setting so they don't look so great, as you can see below.

We are already looking forward to next year. Thanks, Dillon!!